Heart, brain or for sale.

If you're in your twenties and you're not liberal,
you don't have a heart.
If you're in your forties and you're not conservative,
you don't have a brain.
If you're in your sixties and you can't decide,
you must be a US Senator.

American Middle-Class Goes to Prison

The Senate has just passed the great American health bill.
The Drama continues
Monthly premiums will be required.
If you do not pay your premiums
If you do not pay your children's premiums
You will go to jail.
Free housing!
Free food!
Free health care.
Hmmmm, .....

Welcome to the Psychotic Hotline

If you are obsessive-compulsive, press 1 repeatedly.
If you are codependant, please ask someone to press 2.
If you have multiple personalities, please press 3, 4, 5, and 6.
If you are paranoid-delusional, we know who you are and what you want. Just stay on the line while we trace your call.
If you are schizophrenic, listen carefully and a little voice will tell you which number to press.
If you are depressed, it doesn’t matter which number you press. No one will answer.
If you are anal-retentive, press 3,7,4 (simultaneously), then rapidly press 9,4,5,5,3,Z,5,1,#,6,4,*.*. Stand on you left foot and await a response.
If you are manic depressive imagine you've been put on hold and pretend to hang up the phone.