Tuesday, January 5, 2010
Monday, January 4, 2010
The next time you feel like GOD can't use YOU, just remember...
* Noah was a drunk
* Abraham was too old
* Isaac was a daydreamer
* Jacob was a liar
* Leah was ugly
* Joseph was abused
* Moses had a stuttering problem
* Gideon was afraid
* Sampson had long hair and was a womanizer
* Rahab was a prostitute
* Jeremiah and Timothy were too young
* David had an affair and was a murderer
* Elijah was suicidal
* Isaiah preached naked
* Jonah ran from God
* Naomi was a widow
* Job went bankrupt
* John the Baptist ate bugs
* Peter denied Christ
* The Disciples fell asleep while praying
* Martha worried about everything
* The Samaritan woman was divorced, more than once
* Zaccheus was too small
* Paul was too religious
* Timothy had an ulcer
* Lazarus was dead!
No more excuses now!!
God can use you to your full potential. Besides you aren't the message, you are just the messenger. God bless
* Abraham was too old
* Isaac was a daydreamer
* Jacob was a liar
* Leah was ugly
* Joseph was abused
* Moses had a stuttering problem
* Gideon was afraid
* Sampson had long hair and was a womanizer
* Rahab was a prostitute
* Jeremiah and Timothy were too young
* David had an affair and was a murderer
* Elijah was suicidal
* Isaiah preached naked
* Jonah ran from God
* Naomi was a widow
* Job went bankrupt
* John the Baptist ate bugs
* Peter denied Christ
* The Disciples fell asleep while praying
* Martha worried about everything
* The Samaritan woman was divorced, more than once
* Zaccheus was too small
* Paul was too religious
* Timothy had an ulcer
* Lazarus was dead!
No more excuses now!!
God can use you to your full potential. Besides you aren't the message, you are just the messenger. God bless
Monday, December 21, 2009
Heart, brain or for sale.
If you're in your twenties and you're not liberal,
you don't have a heart.
If you're in your forties and you're not conservative,
you don't have a brain.
If you're in your sixties and you can't decide,
you must be a US Senator.
you don't have a heart.
If you're in your forties and you're not conservative,
you don't have a brain.
If you're in your sixties and you can't decide,
you must be a US Senator.
American Middle-Class Goes to Prison
The Senate has just passed the great American health bill.
The Drama continues
Monthly premiums will be required.
If you do not pay your premiums
If you do not pay your children's premiums
You will go to jail.
Free housing!
Free food!
Free health care.
Hmmmm, .....
The Drama continues
Monthly premiums will be required.
If you do not pay your premiums
If you do not pay your children's premiums
You will go to jail.
Free housing!
Free food!
Free health care.
Hmmmm, .....
Welcome to the Psychotic Hotline
If you are obsessive-compulsive, press 1 repeatedly.
If you are codependant, please ask someone to press 2.
If you have multiple personalities, please press 3, 4, 5, and 6.
If you are paranoid-delusional, we know who you are and what you want. Just stay on the line while we trace your call.
If you are schizophrenic, listen carefully and a little voice will tell you which number to press.
If you are depressed, it doesn’t matter which number you press. No one will answer.
If you are anal-retentive, press 3,7,4 (simultaneously), then rapidly press 9,4,5,5,3,Z,5,1,#,6,4,*.*. Stand on you left foot and await a response.
If you are manic depressive imagine you've been put on hold and pretend to hang up the phone.
If you are codependant, please ask someone to press 2.
If you have multiple personalities, please press 3, 4, 5, and 6.
If you are paranoid-delusional, we know who you are and what you want. Just stay on the line while we trace your call.
If you are schizophrenic, listen carefully and a little voice will tell you which number to press.
If you are depressed, it doesn’t matter which number you press. No one will answer.
If you are anal-retentive, press 3,7,4 (simultaneously), then rapidly press 9,4,5,5,3,Z,5,1,#,6,4,*.*. Stand on you left foot and await a response.
If you are manic depressive imagine you've been put on hold and pretend to hang up the phone.
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