If you are obsessive-compulsive, press 1 repeatedly.
If you are codependant, please ask someone to press 2.
If you have multiple personalities, please press 3, 4, 5, and 6.
If you are paranoid-delusional, we know who you are and what you want. Just stay on the line while we trace your call.
If you are schizophrenic, listen carefully and a little voice will tell you which number to press.
If you are depressed, it doesn’t matter which number you press. No one will answer.
If you are anal-retentive, press 3,7,4 (simultaneously), then rapidly press 9,4,5,5,3,Z,5,1,#,6,4,*.*. Stand on you left foot and await a response.
If you are manic depressive imagine you've been put on hold and pretend to hang up the phone.
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